Thursday, March 26, 2009

Brain Food/Ab Work: Best & Shortest Fairytale Ever

I posted this on my Facebook & was LIVING for the replies, I'll post my favorite reply by a VERY confused Man... enjoy

"Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!' And...the girl lived happily-ever-after and went shopping, dancing, spa day-tripping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never ran out of food, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, traveled more, had many amazing lovers, didn't save money, and had all the hot water to herself. She went to the theatre, controlled the remote, never wore friggin' lacy lingerie that went up her ass, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants and was pleasant all the time.

The End

Random Guy's reply:
"In reality: Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?" The girl said, 'No!', and the girl began her long spiral down into an emotional abyss. After a couple of years of endless first dates with losers she met on (her friends bought her a 5 year subscription) she lies in bed at night thankful that the sound of her eight meowing cats drowns out the crackling sound of her drying ovaries. She has also perfected the oh-so-grateful and surprised look every Christmas when her friends buy her a season of Sex In The City on DVD. After walking by a park one day and seeing the man who asked her to marry him (he was playing tennis with a girl who looked like Jessica Alba's hotter sister) she decides to go home and finish the half bottle of flat Champagne left in her fridge and a tub of haagen-dazs which the scale in her bathroom indicates she clearly does not need. She spends the rest of her days crying in her pillow asking herself "When do I get to be Carrie and meet my Mr. Big?"

I'm sorry Honey, you don't.

The End."

(I must admit this was very clever... WRONG but clever)

I'm not one to back away from a challenge: "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Who's this "Saint John" guy... am I being Punk'd? In reality ya'll are NOT all that! A far cry from what as Women we've been conditioned to believe since we were little girls on what a Man is supposed to be. Just a sprinkling of true blue & available Men & an endless sea of pain in the ass little Boys or "Guys" you are obviously the latter AND missed the very first line "A Guy asked" not a MAN! Anywho thank you VERY much for driving the pain in the ass aspect home! 

Champagne is NEVER flat in my wine fridge set at 42 degrees loaded with the French relics of potential suitors that didn't make the cut. I have the distinct pleasure to be surrounded by super sexy, brilliant, sincere, supportive Women we feed one another, encourage each other, always have drinks together & sometimes we'll indulge in an episode of Sex and The City... (that I bought for myself with my own money I'm not spending on some Loser I'm desperately trying to make feel secure on tacky lingerie & over the top presents to show my love or therapy because the SOB doesn't know how to communicate!) we watch it to stay optimistic but mainly for the fashion but now the Movie is on DVD we find ourselves laughing at how old & haggard they all really look after dealing with ALL those years of little Guy's insecure BS! 

Cat's are for wusses my pitbull Divi is the LOVE of my life & Jessica's hotter sister can have him & ALL his baggage! She'll get the stretchmarks from all the big headed kids she's pushing out & essentially raising by herself. She'll tire of his drunken rants, his insincerity, his daddy issues, his inability to keep it or get it up, the unnecessary farts in her face contact me for encouragement & tell me how much she admires my life & my rock hard ass, leave his ridiculous behind & keep the house, kids, 1/2 his money & botox the years of grief away! My Rockstar of a Man is still evolving as am I & when we're both damn good & ready are paths will cross.

The END"

Captain McDouchy Douche: "Hahahah, sorry... I promise I meant no harm and was just being funny. Cheers. Hahaha, I do love your response though.

Moi: "I know... I'm always up for a little tit for tat.... keeps me from


If you read all of that you get a funny companion video too! It's a double dose of laughs... hell it's the day before Friday you DESERVE it

Brain Food/Ab Work: "Diddly Diddly Dee DA DA DA Know You Know... HA!"

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