Monday, November 2, 2009

Let Me Cater To You: Starstruckartf*ck... 1 Vs 100 Part Deux

I LOVE my business cards & the sassy stiletto card holder I carry them in. Sorry had to cover my digits there! SO my homeslice Chef Lovejoy hooked a sister up... AGAIN (love you Boo) & passed over my 411 to a group that needed a caterer for their monthly Film meets Art meets Music meets Food & Booze in this FAB Artist loft in Downtown they aptly called MVSEVM, Marcel from 50 Films produces this event along with the raddest, baddest 6 ft Amazon sex Goddess chick Corrine Costello. When I was hired I was told that it was for 50 guests they would have already had dinner & they just wanted some morsels for them to nosh on.

SIKE-L-BERRY!!! 100 peeps showed up & they were FAMISHED!!! I figured they we were wasted the night before on Halloween probably rolled out of bed & came straight to this spot for more booze & food to wipe out the booze of the night before.

As promised I made the Roasted Garlic & Tomato Bisque with Basil Shots & Mini Grilled Cheese. I was 16 the first time I ever had a grilled cheese sandwich & tomato soup. It was after Hurricane Andrew & I was staying with my BEST friend Erin Une, her sister Melanie & the best mom EVER Anita, may she rest in peace. You see my Mom cooked EVERYDAY! We never had anything like that in the house, so imagine how brilliant that first bite of 5 minute to make yumminess was & I was old enough to REALLY appreciate it & describe in full detail how that tasted... it's a time I will NEVER forget & I can't thank the Une family enough for sharing their home with me. For years I have wanted to share that feeling with everyone so I thought hell let's doll it up & make it trendy by sticking it in a shot glass & everyone can have a food memory of their first bite of one of the greatest comfort foods of all time!

Sour cream topping
I grilled some sourdough baguettes on my trusted MASSIVE George Foreman grill... that thing has saved me on SO many events!!!

Sun-Dried Tomato Quesadillas
Jambalaya Martini.
Because the budget wasn't very high I wanted to make cheap & simple stick to your ribs comforting food that not only soaks up all the booze but made guests actually feel like they ate something, I mean how many more canapes, crabcakes, crudite & tuna tartare cones can a person take at a party anyways? I also had a shrimp ceviche which was gone before I took a picture of it. Over the course of the night I made about 60 of these Jambalayas & I swear only 2 of them had about 2 bites left in them. All 58 of the others were MOPPED up... It was thee BEST feeling! I am so in LOVE with doing this... feeding people!

Extras for whomever wanted seconds... it was GONE in 60 seconds.
My girlfriend Carolyn what a FANTASTIC surprise it was to see her!
Aside from my Mother, my Uncle Lesly, some Cousins & my Grandmother Olga when she was alive (boy do I miss her!) I'm not one who is particularly very close with my family, I used to get bummed about this... but I will say what I have managed to thrive on, the constant source I have always been able to depend on the kindness of strangers, of course this is something that some members of my family are at odds with me about... thhhhhhhhhhhhhppppppppppppppffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff! Anywho, every time I cater an event I ALWAYS have someone willing & able to help me. This time it was this sweet, sweet angel Chrissy that stepped up to the plate.
She stood beside me ALL night cleaning all the glassware so I can keep refilling, helped with garnishing the bisque's with the grilled cheese, cleaned the entire kitchen so I wouldn't have to, kept the scragglers away from my kitchen like a bouncer would & was just this constant source of moral support that I SO needed. The last 3 parties I catered I had Mimi be my SUPER MIMI so I got used to it & this rockstar brought it all back into perspective for me on what Single Serving is all about. I spent the whole 2 hours professing my love to her & we managed to knock out of the park enough apps for 100 people!!!!

It's when I meet people like Chrissy or I'm surrounded with thee greatest friends a broad could ever ask for my soul thrives. So today I dedicate this blog to you Chrissy... THANK YOU for bringing it ALL back!
One of the 4 performers... she was amazing, reminded me of a sassy Patsy Cline

DAGNABBIT I uploaded an upside down one AGAIN!!!! This was the awesome Artist featured doing what he does best & rubbing his belly after woofing down Mama's Jambalaya

Super cool rooftop after party!

Field Trippin': HAPPY 35th Birthday Kitty!!!

I WANNA beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-EEE Anarch-KITTY!!!
Ok I had a HARD time picking which chapter title this one gets... it was between How I Roll, because hell I'm a nut for the cat & this is how I roll. How We Do because she's a year older than me & still looks fabulous & this is how we do. TERRIBLE! because I'm 30freaking4 years old & I am still fascinated by this damn thing but because the fabulous EDB came with me & is just as old & ridiculous about it as me & is SO not terrible so I am titling this Field Trippin'. EDB & I cruised to Culver City to Royal/T Cafe & Gallery for their Three Apple Event celebrating the Kitty we all adore's 35th Birthday!
EDB taking a picture of me taking a picture of her we're so avant garde
They were passing out gift bags to the first 100 Kitty Heads, I went to bed by 1 am & only had 4 drinks on Halloween so I was up to be fresh & ready for my gift bag. We woke up at 7, didn't anticipate the fanatics that would show up & cop a squat at at 4 am.... HATERS!!!
Freak like me
Us in the back of the line behind 500 people :-(
How cute, doesn't she look like a sexy Hello Kitty candy striper?
We were worried because we were behind 500 people we weren't going to get our ears, I was starting to plot either beating up the boys or flirting with the boys who got one before me & so didn't appreciate it.... whatever's clever Mate I can do both! I walked to the front of the line & got us 2 ears & walked back with the peeps who were passing them out & YAY everyone gets one... yes I'm gay as in happy!
So EDB goes off on a kitty recon mission because the 93 degree heat was kicking our cans... it's NOVEMBER FLIPPIN' FIRST... 93 FREAKIN' DEGREES?!?!?!?!?!?! This blows!!!! Once again we won't have a Fall it will go straight to Winter for like 2 weeks & I'll freeze my nips off... it's amazing what I complain about, huh? She calls me to tell me they formed a second line for people that want to go to the gallery only & not the store selling one of a kind collectibles. I haul tail over there, sure enough EDB got us from 501 & 502 to like 21 & 22 in line... SWEET! That line started to get crazy & people wanted to know which line was for the brunch? The wait for the brunch was an hour & they turned the line we were now standing in to the brunch line. Because EDB & I are dorks we already own a HK sandwich maker & HK waffle maker no need to do the brunch we have EVERY Kitty kitchen gadget already so we're GOLDEN!

EDB decides she's over it goes & talks to the door girl & was like we don't want to go to the store or do the brunch (let's face it we have enough HK crap) we just want to walk around the gallery... the chick says "walk right in "MANOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUSCHKA, get over here!" EDB screams. Now as if it weren't perfect enough the parking Gods smiled on us & we found free parking around the corner mere feet away we no longer had to wait in a ridonkulous line... YAY... we walked right into this....

Up, up & away in my beautiful balloon
I wanted this phone & my own phone line in Jr. High SOOOOOOOOO bad... lucky White girls... HA!
Kimora Lee Simmons designed these *swoon*

Tea Party brunch
DAGNABIT... I forgot to flip this one
DJ Kitty on the 1's & 2's
I want this tattoo... Hail Kitty

PINK pumpkins!!!!!! I'm tickled pink
Rollin' wit my homie
Lady Gag Gag!!! I don't buy this chick at all... all gimmick, no substance & she's absolutely ridiculous!
I'm actually a tad jealous of the Lady Gag Gag for this.. ok fine I'm INSANELY jealous over this!
Jem was TRULY outrageous, truly, truly, truly outrageous... this chick is just a HACK running the biggest con of '09 since Bernie Madoff!
Is her 15 minutes up yet?
Rice cooker!!! Mine is cuter though.. HA
I love this almost as much as I love the Lobster grab tank at Happy Ending, this sports bar in my hood where for $2 if you grab a lobster it's yours & they cook it... it's more fun than darts if you ask me
I wanted to buy this SO bad
Bling, Bling Kitty
More crap I don't need but COVET!

Check all the icons... Carmen Miranda Kitty, Boy George Kitty, Captain Mc Douchy Douche Douchebag Kitty aka Kanye, Frida Kitty, Pamela Anderson/Baywatch Kitty, Bjork Kitty, Cleopatra Kitty, Little Kim Kitty or is that Patra? Damn Black people look alike... HA! Marie Antoinette Kitty, Tron Kitty, Flavor Flav Kitty, Cyndi Lauper Kitty, Devo Kitty, KARL LAGERFELD kitty... SO COOL! Who else do you see?
FEROSH Kitty... Christian Siriano would LOVE this!
Mona Kitty

Now who's grandmother didn't have a velvet Elvis painting in her livingroom... FIERCE!
Dia de los Muerto Kitty
Buddha Kitty! NMRK

The time had come for us to skidattle... our stomachs were cussing us out! On our way out we peeped the cupcake selection... yum again NO LINE for this one. EDB treated & got a strawberry cupcake & got me a red velvet. Because of the heat we got 2 SUPER sweet Ginger Lemonades... I swear I didn't drink lemonade ALL summer but from October 24th-Novemver 2nd that's all I've been drinking... it's just too God blessed HAWT out here... terrible!
Checked out the Kitty's apartment on our way out.. I swear this would have been my dream home when I was 12... or 34... SHUT UP!!!

To that Cat Mobile we go... around the corner!!! We got our booty & jetted for our next spot... Father's Office
LATER... suckaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhs!
All that Kitty love, crazy kids!
Waiting for F.O. to open we ate our dessert first. Still had 30 minutes to kill so I took EDB to this RAD kitchen supply & gourmet food store called Surfas... it was all cupcake liners & jimmies for my cupcake goddess EDB I LOVE that place. If ever in Culver City that is a MUST stop spot to see!
EDB ordered a Duck Prosciutto salad
NOW I have been on a 3 month long burger crawl (blog about that to come next week) supposedly... I saved thee best for last. Word on the streets & even on Food Network's Best Thing I Ever Ate was the burger at Father's Office is the shiz-NIT! There's a trend quickly spreading around (Hel)LA of these spots that won't allow you to make substitutions & alter your meal in any way. NOW when I went to Animal for my birthday & saw how packed it was & how these cats are making very unconventional American cuisine trendy I found that it was ballsy & kind of charming that they were like "screw you this is how we do & even though the economy is craptastic you will STILL wait in line, pay a ridiculous amount of money & eat what we serve you... NO EXCEPTIONS!!!" BEAT!

Of course nothing I ordered that night had my vile nemesis the dreaded cooked or carmelized onion! I CAN'T STAND those things. I like my onions raw & yes I do cook with onions but I chop them super small so I don't know they're in there... SO GROSS!!!! At first I didn't like them because of the noise your mouth makes when you chew on one... the ear is WAY to close to the jaw I tell ya. My Mom would always cook with these big HONKING pieces of onions & slap them on EVERYTHING ruining my meals....

UUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH! I'm not a fan of char tasting things either so carmelizing onions then deglazing them off a pan they're burnt to makes me want to hurl! I'll still make it for my guests & some recipes but I want that crap NO where near MY plate!

Well wouldn't you know F.O. has only ONE damn burger loaded with my arch nemesis & they don't modify anything so either I get this coveted burger or F.O. gives me a big fat F.U. "order something else then" I sucked it up & ordered the damn burger. Unlike Animal I didn't find this quality from F.O. charming & I will explain in FULL detail later I promise in my blog about the burger crawl NEXT week. Here's my damn burger
All those nasty ass onions I had to put on EDB's plate!
Nasty ass onion juice ruin-ING my fries!
More nasty ass onions!!!! I had to drink 3 glasses of water & I swear I never took so long to eat a burger in my ENTIRE life!!!

Look I GET it Chefs work REALLY hard to get these flavor profiles together but to deny someone due to an allergic reaction or dietary restriction or the fact that cooked onions are DANG nas-TY is just cruel!!! Can't wait for you to see how they fared on my burger list