Tuesday, March 31, 2009

TERRIBLE: George Bush is RUINING my sex life!

Yes you heard that right! George Bush & the jacked up economic situation he has left us in is ruining my sex life! SO my "blind" date aka a random I met on the internet because (A) I work in a bar on the weekends (B) I can't afford to go out & meet Men & really meeting Men in LA at the bars & clubs is just ASKING for trouble. 

There was a billboard on La Brea 2 blocks from my house that said & I quote "HERPES... 1 in 4" EVERY TIME I'd be in a social circle with 3 other people I'm like... OOH! Somebody here has a social disease & it's NOT me! You know those circles I'm talking about, especially if you're out with one of your girlfriends & the both of you are talking to two guys & you know she's clean, it's like Russian Roulette which one of us is taking the disease ridden bastard home... ahhhhhhhh, no thank you.

Anywho... he sends me a text message after I shaved my legs, after I washed my AFRO, after I missed my spin class & AFTER I made a pedicure appointment "is it alrite if we go Dutch? Saving money for NYC". NOW I am not a gold digger & I understand that money is tight for everyone, this is not why I'm getting my panties in a wad. 

This Man I have never met asks me out but wants me to drive all the way out to Venice where he lives, grab drinks at a place that he picked & said "first 4 Margaritas on me", mind you & I now I have to pay "Dutch"?!?! Where in the hell did that term "going Dutch" come from anyway? I've never met a European Man that made a Woman pay... ok now I'm getting off subject, SO perturbed!

Maybe I'm just annoyed he replied "alrite" instead of alright... he's 35! I replied to him "Normally I don't mind paying Dutch but unfortunately I can't afford it right now, want to grab coffee when you come back from NYC?" Do you think he answered? Hells NO! 

If you are a Man & reading this TRUST ME we get it... we understand, but the game has changed! Women were raised if a Man asks he takes care of it, hell I'm friends with & related to a plethora of you & you all say "if a Man asks, he takes care of it", allow me to enlighten you, this does not at all mean financially. 

Be a Man & be more creative, just take care of it. He lives in Venice we could have walked on the Beach & just talked, I get thirsty I buy my own damn bottle of water or find a water fountain period the end. How dare he? Doesn't he know today is the 31st?!?!? Rent is due tomorrow, this has to be an April's Fools joke.

I know the truth was all in the text... and as much as I LOATHE text messages, the truth really was in the text. First off a Gentleman would have called. Secondly he said "4 {flipping} Margaritas"... Homeboy wanted me to have some of that liquid courage to get me all loosy goosy & when I offered for coffee he would have accepted. 

I know what you're thinking that I should have texted him back, well I DID an hour after I had not heard from him. I asked "so is coffee cool?" he replied "yeah" I said "cool, enjoy NYC" instead of replying hey let's just do coffee now he replied "Thx". 

Oh well... just wanted to vent & yet again blame George Bush for something ELSE! Luckily I have a full bar at my place so I'm already 2 Margaritas into the 4 I was expecting as I write this, maybe I'll make drunken Langostino Quesadillas for dinner... ODELAY!

Life hands you lemons? Squirt it in your refreshing Margarita!

My FAVORITE tequila & what I've made my Margaritas with, I how wonderfully phallic it is!

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